Friday, 12 February 2010

Nelson Mandela: Boot Shagger

As Biased BBC matures into a true giant of media analysis, it shows encouraging signs of developing a sophisticated touch with great matters of recent history: Like working out the best way to honour the 20th anniversary of Nelson Mandela's walk to freedom, for instance. David Vance, as ever, prefers to look back in anger:

I am sure you will have encountered the Mandela worship on the BBC today.

Twenty years since Africa's richest nation headed towards democracy. Important moment.

the excitement at the BBC has been palpable.

I'm sure that's really because the Traditional Unionist Voice's own Mandela will be on Question Time tonight.

However I believe the coverage has been very one dimensional and has stayed away from asking any of the tough questions lest the halo around Saint Nelson be dented.

Like why did millions of black people emerge from decades of subjugation, state assassinations and near-slavery… and not turn on their former rulers?

Can you imagine what the coverage of his death will be like? We're all ANC now. (And to hell with the victims of their terrorism)

Ah yes… the Victims Of Terrorism. Always handy when you want to find a reason to sneer at successful democratic negotiation. Never mind: Let's look at Mandela the man. What's your appraisal, Grant?

Supporter of terrorism and wife-beater .

Excellent. Here's apprentice social commentator Asuka Langley Soru:

He seems to have a problem with women. Sometimes you just have to smack a bitch. Sean Connery knows.

Think you captured Mandela's legendary dignity beautifully there. What does your role model, Martin, make of the 20th anniversary?

I want to know how Nelson could shag an ugly old boot like Winnie.

Perfect. Did you have more to say, Grant?

And indeed have 2 children with her.

Indeed. He must have, erm, shagged her at least twice, then.

But, all his life Mandela has sheltered behind killers, getting them to do his dirty work, with him always putting on the smiling face.

Must be what the Nobel jury had in mind. Any other inspirational leaders you'd like to pay tribute to?

Reminds me of Gandhi , who also learned his dirty trade in S. Africa.

First class. Shame you didn't get a dig in at Martin Luther King, too.


  1. My guess is that David is feeling antsy since libertarian gun-toting poster boy Clint Eastwood released his strikingly saintly Mandela portrait Invictus recently. If Dirty Harry won't diss Mandela, there's only one man tough enough to do God's work. Step forward El Vance.

  2. I'm loving Asuka on the death of Alexander McQueen. "Only pussies and communists design clothes. Real men design and build weapons systems."
    Time to pack up and go home, I don't see how you can take this piss out of B-BBC anymore. It's beyond parody.

  3. I've never thought Martin was a wind-up. He's gone on far too long for that. I do have my doubts, though, about Asuka. Should we give Asuka an even break?

  4. Having a quick troll around B-BBC this evening there seems to be a lot of fresh meat posting and frankly they all seem to be bringing the crazy. If you can't spot the satire any more what's the point of posting it?
    Therefore, they're all bonkers. QED.