The Women Who Stare At The Men Who Stare At Goats

Men! Ever wondered why you are so unlucky with the opposite sex?

Biased BBC's Problem Page Boy Martin has once again cracked the secret of romantic happiness: Look after some cloven-hoofed creatures in Pakistan. And fake a low IQ.

Much romance follows. Apparently:

August 27th: Anyone else notice on the Beeboid 6PM news that boys were absent in any of the shots of "happy students" passing their GCSE's?

The beeboids did manage to give us a lingering shot of some Muslim females of course. Wow all those qualifications just to be married off to an inbred retard of a Goat herder in Pakistan.

August 28th: Why would the BBC bother to point out the growing Muslim problem? Beeboids love Muslims, especially the mad ones with the big bushy beards. And don't forget Islam according to the BBC is liberating for women.

More 14 year old girls to be sent off to Pakistan to be raped and married off to some thick Goat Herder.

October 26th: I wonder how many 14 year old Muslim girls are sent off to Pakistan each year to be raped and married to an inbred goat herder? Shami (Chakrabarti) never seems to be bothered about that.

November 30th: why doesn't the BBC bother to tell us about the 14 year old Muslim girls sent from shitholes like Bradford to be raped and married to thick inbred Goat herders in Pakistan?

Any thoughts on relations between Islam and the rest of us while you're on, Martin?

November 11th: WE are the tolerant ones, the bushy bearded idiots are not.

Quite so.

Lucky Lonely Goatherds

One question has taxed the world's romantic philosophers since it was first posed by the great Jimmy Ruffin: What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted?

That poignant brain-teaser might just have been solved by Biased BBC's leading social commentator, Martin. Tracking back for a few months, it is clear that he thinks that broken-hearted goatherds in rural Pakistan stand a way-above-average chance of copping off with someone new:

August 27th: Anyone else notice on the Beeboid 6PM news that boys were absent in any of the shots of "happy students" passing their GCSE's?

The beeboids did manage to give us a lingering shot of some Muslim females of course. Wow all those qualifications just to be married off to an inbred retard of a Goat herder in Pakistan.

August 28th: Why would the BBC bother to point out the growing Muslim problem? Beeboids love Muslims, especially the mad ones with the big bushy beards. And don't forget Islam according to the BBC is liberating for women.

More 14 year old girls to be sent off to Pakistan to be raped and married off to some thick Goat Herder.

October 26th: I wonder how many 14 year old Muslim girls are sent off to Pakistan each year to be raped and married to an inbred goat herder? Shami (Chakrabarti) never seems to be bothered about that.

August 28th: i once texted Radio 5 and gave an anti Muslim view. Needless to say the BBc didn't read my text out nor did they ring me back to see if I'd like to go to air.

You amaze us.

Feminine Protection. With Wingnuts.

Even if The BBC started taking its bulletins straight from Fox News and its opinions from the Israeli Embassy, there would still be unfinished Biased BBC business. Something Must Be Done about Feminazis.

They have their own show - Woman's Hour - on Radio 4, and it's proof of a veritable constellation of bias all over the broadcasting spectrum. Apparently.

B-BBC Iron Man David Vance set the balls rolling:

By the way, why is there not a "Men's Hour"?

Good question. Here's the manly Robert de Niro tribute act Travis Bickle. He's bound to know:

Why would we need a Men's hour?

Because men get such a raw deal everywhere. Surely?

The whole point of woman's hour is that it keeps a bunch of po-faced, middle class, menopausal bints distracted while their husbands 'take the dog for a walk'.

Here, boy! Walkies!

Taking the dog for a walk being a euphimism for 'banging a prozzie.'

Oh. Does Rover get to watch?

Men's hour courtesy of the limp wristed elite that run the BBC would be all about...

Fast cars and big noisy machines? Football? Action movies?

Wimmin's issues! And how us men can fawn, scrape and ingratiate ourselves further too them.

How is Mrs Bickle?

Legendary social commentator Martin has his doubts, too:

As for a mens hour, god could you imagine what it would be like?

Top Gear?

camp left wing nonces talking about how their heels kill them and are leather trousers OK for cycling.

Sounds right up your street, Marty. Perhaps we could get some rent boys to present it, seeing as you're so obsessed with them?

No thanks

Oh, look, there's Jo Brand on Radio Five. Let's see how well the new civilised Biased BBC is working: What do you reckon to Jo, Martin?

a fat ugly wart faced smelly white barking mad old lesbian.

Every insult a freshly-minted one. Time to Walk The Dog.

Why The Long Face, Horseface?

One of the many fine qualities of Biased BBC is that it sometimes notices that the BBC does other bad stuff besides employing journalists who hate America, support the Taliban and lie to keep Gordon Brown in office.

The Beeb also produces comedy shows starring frightful left-wingers who hate America, support the Taliban and try to keep Gordon Brown in office. Where are the right-wing comedians who should be given equal air-time?

Step forward Biased BBC longtime jester Jack Bauer. Jack is an acquired taste, so we've asked our Comedy Research Unit to explain just how Mr Bauer nails his targets.

Yesterday, Biased BBC was in uproar over Woman's Hour promising an item on Margaret Beckett MP, whose "career has been long and illustrious". Jack cocks his comedy shotgun and gives feminazi Beckett both hilarious barrels.

Be fair David. Don't you remember her unexpected win in the 1967 Grand National as a 100/1 longshot?

Translation: Margaret Beckett looks like a horse.

Well, she was called Foinavon back then, so you are excused.

Margaret Beckett looks like a real horse, which was called Foinavon.

And she still likes eating carrots from your hand as you stroke her nose.

Margaret Beckett eats like a horse. And you can stroke her nose.

Jack knows you should always leave 'em wanting more, so he backs off at this point to leave us helpless with grateful laughter.

It's been a little while since The BBC got shut of Russell Brand. Could this be the right moment to hand his comedy crown to Jokin' Jack?

Women Go To The Toilet. You Can't Fool Us.

It's an honour to report another ground-breaking exposé from Biased BBC. This time B-BBC has stripped away the hollow pretence behind the NSPCC... bravely revealing that the child protection charity doesn't, um, actually care about kids.

Mind you, the NSPCC was just begging for trouble: It went and published a survey which suggests that a third of teenage girls experience sexual abuse from boyfriends. One in six girls said they'd been pressured into intercourse. David Vance knows better...

I see that the feminazis are out for male blood today...

Nazi vampires! Feminist ones, too. The horror.

...and the BBC are keen to give them a platform.

They'll be handing the vampires the keys to the Blood Bank next.

As always, the NSPCC exists to promote itself.

Perhaps they could take a few lessons in modest public service from your good self?

This characterisation of 90% of girls aged 13-17 is rubbish.

Almost certainly. My own research proves that 100% of teen girls can't get enough of Biased BBC and want only to help warn the world of the gay Taliban tyranny to come.

This character assassination of young teenage boys as violent sexual predators is also ludicrous.

All they really care about is becoming first fife in the Orange Lodge band.

Still, it gives the NSPCC something to do.

NSPCNazis. Boy do we hate them...

Oh to be a pretend charity.

Or a pretend bias monitor.

Now, we could use something a bit more upbeat. Why... here's happyuk07. Cheerful name, cheerful guy.

I must say I am very skeptical about these so-called findings.

I think we all are.

Anyone would think that the female species is a completely pure one that never goes to the toilet, never says anything wrong or does anything wrong.

Well that's obvious bollocks. Woman next to me just used the bog.

The reality is girls/women make far better troublemakers than men: bitching, gossiping, nagging, provoking husbands, blackballing, creating atmospheres, you name it.

Why, thank you very much. I name it The Vance Syndrome.