Don't Touch That Light Switch.

Anyone who thinks it's easy sitting in judgement on The BBC and its terrifying power need only consider the case of inveterate bias-spotter Roland Deschain. Roland's net-name is a homage to a fictional gunslinger. Seems like he's fixing to sort out a messa trouble down the schoolhouse. Sheee-it.

It's depressing.

That's what Biased BBC is here for. To depress us all.

Only today I find that my daughter is expected to learn a passage for her school assembly urging us to turn our lights out for an hour...

Slippery slope. She'll be asking you to turn the heating down a gnat's, next.

to support the WWF…

Hideous. Who's its shit-stirring president again? Billy Bragg? Or Polly Toynbee? Oh… it's HRH Princess Alexandra.

and show we "care about climate change".

Cos we don't. End of.

And when I point out to her that it may be a load of claptrap, she stomps off in the huff.

It's not too late to disinherit her. She doesn't deserve you.

I wonder how much indoctrination has gone on before I've found out about it.

Simple test: Does she offer to walk to the shops rather than demand a lift? If yes, you've lost her. For good.

I will of course take it up with the school,

Perhaps you could suggest they leave their lights on for an hour longer than usual. Take a stand for common sense.

but sometimes you feel you're just pissing in the wind.

You could leave your lights on all the time. That would teach them.

Harrabin-Laden. And His Bumchums.

Biased BBC pays close attention to the BBC and all its evil doings. This allows the bias-hunters to identify the real enemies in our midst; foremost among these, the Corporation's Environment Analyst, Roger Harrabin.

Harrabin-Laden - as B-BBC, with characteristic understatement, labels him - is in trouble because he has failed to condemn the Met Office quite enough for screwing up its long-range forecasts and for advancing the cause of man-made global warming.

To compound his sins, Harrabin-Laden also dared to point out that climate change sceptic Piers Corbyn, a bona-fide Biased BBC hero, was not transparent enough in his methods, something only the other side of the climate argument are required to be, apparently. Anyway, puppy-keen poster Paddy knows which way the wind blows:

Even thought Haribo is in effect admitting that he and his ecowacko bumchums have been exposed for the quacks and charlatans they are

What did you call them?

ecowacko bumchums

Green AND gay! No wonder Biased BBC is getting so overheated justifiably concerned.

its amazing how he spins it to take a dig at Corbyn.

Asking why Corbyn won't explain his methodology: Downright cheeky.

Corbyn doesn't want to tell anyone his system because its probably the old fashioned way of measuring and forcasting.

Probably? I thought we were against quacks and charlatans...

Hes probably enjoying using basic calculations on an abacus while the Met Morons stare blankly at their machine that goes ping.

Probably.

You dont need a supercomputer to measure air pressure. You dont need one to collate windspeeds tides and temperatures.

A spell-checker wouldn't go amiss, though.

Just a few bits of info on a basic spreadsheet and Bob is a sibling of one of your parents.

I believe that's called genealogy, not meteorology. But we don't have time for that now.

They may want to believe in the wizard of Oz at the cru (Climatic Research Unit) and the Met (Office) but most of us no they are just small insignificant travelling salesmen selling snake oil to the gullible and those with art degrees.

I think we all no a persuasive argument when we see it, Paddy. And thanks to Biased BBC, we're always the first to no. No?

Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein BBC!

Perhaps the most admirable aspect of Biased BBC - OK, one of the many admirable aspects - is its love of understatement. Leading social commentator Martin illustrates this perfectly during today's deeply paranoid/ utterly confused/ coolly analytical debate about the role of the police investigating the leaking of the CRU emails on climate change:

Just like the Nazis

Good of you to come clean. Oh...

Just like the Nazis (the BBC is the SS

Must re-visit the history books, but I have no recollection of the lads with the death's head insignia organising Saturday night entertainment for the Reich. Or reading the News, either.

and the Liebour party vermin are the Gestapo)

With powers of arrest and detention. And a tendency to torture.

if you don't agree with the BBc/Nu Liebour stance you are deemed a terrorist and dragged away.

Forelock-tugging Brown-worship is everywhere in today's UK. No-one dares say a thing against him. Except Biased BBC. Bravo to ze Resistance!

Remember poor old Walter Wolfgang

A lifelong socialist, anti-Zionist Jewish man who strongly opposes British intervention in American wars and holds office in CND. An unlikely hero for Biased BBC, but hey-ho.

Dragged away by thick inbred scum (the Police)

Perhaps we should organise a special breeding programme for our elite law-enforcers. Strong athletic types with keen blue eyes and flaxen hair. That kind of thing.

under terrorism legislation simpyl for saying rubbish to professional turd sniffer Jack man of Straw.

Glad you could get a turd in. Good work, Martin.

The Liebour party should be thrown out of power and locked in prison for this ONE single event only.

Even Walter might find that an over-reaction. Plus he served on Labour's NEC afterwards, so no to that, I'd have thought.

Damien Green was arrested under terrorism legislation. It seems this bunch of scumbag Socialists use the Police and BBC to do their vile work.

Small doubt creeps in here. Is there anyone we can trust to do anything in the public interest? At all?

Hilary Benn, Monster.

Perhaps the greatest evil known to mankind, outgunning even Islam and homosexuality, is climate science. Thankfully, Biased BBC has been leading the revolt against this mumbo-jumbo, and none more valiantly than the permanently outraged Robin Horbury. Today, he's tearing apart an Environment Minister with only sarcasm as a weapon.

Hilary Benn who has spent his entire, useless life

Try not to be so conciliatory.

as a trade union official

Representing people's collective interests is inherently wrong...

and politician

…especially when they vote you into office.

after reading eastern European languages

The clincher. Down there with paedophilia.

at right-on Sussex university

(Possibly a cheap insult too far?)

has risen, by some fluke, to be a government minister with a brief to pontificate about "climate change".

Uh oh.

Not content that he and his government cronies have pledged to blow £1.5bn of our money on "carbon emissions", he is today to warn the the new world government assembled in Copenhagen that we face yet another threat - "ocean acidification".

Let's ask the American experts, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. Blimey: "A growing number of studies have demonstrated adverse impacts on marine organisms."

Despite his complete lack of relevant knowledge, (Benn) somehow believes he's qualified to interpret to the world the highly complex science behind the absorption of CO2 by seawater.

Excellent point, Robin, only slightly marred by the reality that few politicians have technical qualifications in the subjects they administer.

Of course, to him and his fanatical brethren, it's another huge threat, another reason to spend billions of our money on vast nonsense schemes.

Perhaps. But he doesn't appear to be demanding vast nonsense schemes. Only more research.

For the BBC and its expert environment correspondent Richard Black, it's a top story that must be breathlessly reported without qualification or challenge.

Odd for an environment correspondent to report on a major speech by the Environment Secretary at a global conference. Very odd.

And without reference to latest scientific papers that suggest that the whole thing is a load of more, poisonous hot air.

Be fair. Biased BBC can't keep all the poisonous hot air to itself.

Wank Week

It's impossible to overestimate the importance of the Copenhagen summit. Biased BBC's leading social commentator Martin treats it with the seriousness it deserves, bestowing his highest honours on the event - rent boys, wanking and poo.

God it's only day 1 and you can't get away from Climate Change.

That climate. It gets everywhere.

The BBC are almost masturbating live on TV.

It is a seminal moment.

Last time 20,000 beeboids got so excited was when they were told there were 6 new 12 year old Albanian rent boys on Hampstead Heath.

Be fair. Hampstead is a low-carbon excursion from Islington. That's why they're happy.

I can't believe this crap is going on for two weeks.

That's a long time to spend on the toilet, Martin. Even for you.

I was even informed by Christine Bleakley that we should all go veggie

Roughage helps.

(although she appears to be enjoying a bit of meat from Chelsea these days)

Life's unfair. She should enjoy a pudding like you.

so I can't wait to see what's on the menu at Copenhagen. Muesli and rice I think not.

CRUdités, Martin. Followed by sour grapes.

We Are All Doomed. Again.

Just because the weather is particularly depressing doesn't mean that Biased BBC need hold off on its mission to drive us all to the Dignitas clinic, appalled at the sheer awfulness of modern life.

The bias-hunters are in full calamity mode today at the news that the BBC has employed an agency which helps companies communicate sustainable policies.

This is clearly proof of a global conspiracy of leftie eco-freaks aiming for world domination (though quite why O2, Shell, British Telecom and, ahem, Sky - who are also clients of the agency - should be part of this plot is not yet clear).

Anyway, long-time bias-hunter Marky, whose hallmark is a cheery, 1984-inspired logo, has the best take on the story:

the three main parties have for many years been leading Britain towards slavery

Man is born free but everywhere he is in chain stores.

and despotism.

Agreed. Don't know if I can take another 6 months of Brown's despotism before we, um, get a chance to kick him out.

Their goal is plain to see if you have the heart to look into darkness.

That's why they want us all to wear reflective jackets at night: So they can see us coming from their darkened lairs. Damn you, traffic information films...

The elite want the people to be completely subservient to the state

I asked permission before I wrote this. As did you, Marky, I am sure.

and they've done well.

We are all Cybermen. Without the shiny suits.

I believe we haven't got long now and have not much hope that the future will be a wondrous place.

Don't be so negative. Your encyclopaedic knowledge of 1984 should stand you in good stead for a job at the Ministry, Comrade.

Never Trust Animated Clouds.

Biased BBC has an interesting sideline in tribute acts. Earlier in the summer, a poster named after the late US diplomat Robert S McNamara popped up occasionally to tell blood-soaked tales of his lethal tyre iron.

An even longer-running wannabe is one Jack Bauer, who sometimes chills out from defeating terrorism around the clock by posting tedious leaden hilarious jokes. Oddly, he's at his funniest when he's trying to be serious. Like this Biased BBC contribution on global warming:

the problem is that people don't know the difference between Carbon Monoxide, and Carbon DIOXIDE. the colourless, odorless gas also known as Dry Ice.

One kills you in cheap holiday flats. The other makes ho-hum rock bands look marginally more interesting.

I blame the ignorance factories we have masquerading as schools.

Kids go in well-informed. And come out trying to kill themselves inhaling Coldplay's special effects.

Last year some mendacious "green" car insurance company produced ads in which a noxious looking BLACK CLOUD spewed from a car and chased people around.

Like those old Lottery ads. It Could Be You-oo. Oo. Oo.

I kid you not.--- while the santimonious VO droned on about CO2.

Are you sure the CO wasn't droning on about BO? With the Boho from Soho?

The unmistakeable visual lie was that this noxious gas was Carbon Dioxide.

I've been running in fear from exhausts ever since. AND IT WAS ALL A LIE?

I complained, of course, to the Advertising Standards on the grounds that it was a blatant attempt to mislead. It was false advertising, etc.

Open and shut case, Jack. I always assume animated stuff in insurance ads is literally true. Like comedy meerkats. And dogs that talk like John Prescott.

Got absolutley NOWHERE.

And they call it justice? Good job you're a maverick cop and a law unto yourself. A weaker individual might crumble at the conspiracies all around him.

An Inconvenient Truth. By Richard Madeley. As Ali G.

God Bless Cassandra, Biased BBC's in-house futurologist. Just in case the rest of us didn't hear today's big BBC interview on climate change, she produces her own transcript of the occasion.

What emerges is a monologue of crystalline beauty. Alan Bennett, eat your heart out.

But (dramatic pause) who could this famous public figure be?

Them poles is meltin innit?

Fo' Real! Ali G. Must be.

them wot sez it aint iz morons

Or possibly Richard Madeley's notorious impersonation of the Staines homeboy.

I seed it wiv me own eyes an everfink

Cripes! We're veering from Jethro of the Beverly Hillbillies to a Mockney Dick van Dyke.

an dem carbod dixides iz evil an is killin du peeps innit wiv all the smoke N stuff yeah

A trace of Stavros there.

yewz lot dunt knows wot it duz like me!

A touch of Scouse, too, though more Harry Enfield curly perm than Alan Bleasdale Blackstuff.

I dunt need no degrees in science to tell me fings rite?

Catherine Tate?

Ize bin lisnen to Al Grope an ee sez so rite or ill bash yer up.

Wossname from Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels? I'm getting desperate, Cassandra. Can you give us a clue?

The BBC so keen to peddle its prejudiced and flawed ideology that they are reduced to inviting a known cheating liar,ignoramus and adulterer to add his ignorant ramblings to the muddy waters.

Muddy Waters. Wouldn't he sound more…. bluesy?

(Answer to follow later. Unless you've read her post already. Though that would be cheating)

Stabbing's Bad. Unless You Skewer Swampy.

David Vance, the fire-breathing Ulster Loyalist who gives Biased BBC its, um, gravitas, has no time for the Climate Campers. And neither, amazingly, do his sidemen....

David Vance: I see that the eco-wackos will be out in force today, causing disruption for Londoners and costing the taxpayer lots of cash.

I agree. Should we set a limit on public gatherings to save the taxpayer some cash? While you're on, how much does the much-disputed Ulster parade season cost to police?

Yet if one reads this report on the "Climate Camp" from the BBC one could be forgiven for thinking this is an outing from the Salvation Army rather than a hard left rabble

Having trouble with my browser, I think. My version is a straight account of the event. Have you enabled some special filter?

with nothing better to do but threaten and disrupt the lawful activities of other citizens.

Must have missed the legislation which removed public protest as a lawful activity.

Note the casual slur on the police

Browser trouble again. No sign of a slur on my screen.

whose liberal bosses seem to have responded to the previous media onslaught by "building relationships" with these loons.

How queer! The police talking to people who will be exercising their right to gather in public. They'll be talking to the minorities next.

cockney: I'd estimate that 80% of people were perfectly happy with the police's approach last time

Possibly not an exhaustive survey, considering that a non-participant ended up dead after being knocked down by a policeman.

I see Stratford is on the list. Hopefully a few dispersing West Ham & Millwall fans will say hello on their way past.

Yesss! Eco-protestors bad. Knife-wielding football hooligans good.

DJ: The only difference between what happened at the footy last night and what's going to happen today is the supposed cause the scumbags in question claim to be fighting for.

Excellent point. The BBC needs to realise:

1. Tribal rivalry between footy fans is at the very least equivalent to concern for the environment.
2. Stabbing people is par for the course when you want to reduce CO2 emissions.

pounce: for some strange reason the bBC has posted up 8 meeting points for people who wish to partake in anarchy for the next week or so.

Out-fecking-rageous. Oh... what's this? Reuters are naming 5 locations. Blimey - the Torygraph gives 6, and the Independent names 12! Even the money-men's bible, the FT, gives us 11!

As a so called responsible Impartial News outlet ...

Not sure how that fails impartiality. It's information, not a point of view.

...with a remit to those who pay the TV tax. (Unlike a lot of these so called protesters)

Outstanding research, pounce. How did you manage to check that fact?

Is it right for the bBC to be seen taking sides with a political organization whose remit for the next week or so is to cause as much trouble for the people they will target,

Quite right. But what about the other media who published the meeting points? If you get going on a Biased FT blog, I'll kick start a Biased Telegraph.