Is That A Wheelbrace In Your Pocket Or...

The ground-breaking tribute act that is Robert S McNamara - a permanently enraged BBC critic pretending he's a dead US diplomat - is back. And so is his tyre iron.

Robert's trusty tool has been lying in wait for swine-flu victims for a couple of weeks now. But a typically-thoughful Biased BBC piece - on a Labour MP walking out of a Muslim wedding where men and women were kept apart - brings it glinting into daylight.

I've got no sympathy for this guy.

Are you sure he's looking for it?

He should know by now - especially if he's got a large number of Mohammedans in his constituency - that Islam treats women (and homosexuals and infidels, especially Jews) like sewage.

I wondered why my drains had been clogged lately.

Ignorance is not an excuse.

It's practically compulsory on Biased BBC

It's nobody's fault but his own for (no doubt) mindlessly repeating the 'Islam is a peaceful, tolerant religion with Skittles and unicorns' mantra,

No doubt.

a peaceful, tolerant religion with Skittles and unicorns' mantra, when in fact, nothing could be further from the truth.

Spot on. Skittles is actually a Tory concept, like spinsters on bicycles and cricket on the village green. A New Labour MP would be down the Skateboard Park with da kids instead. And unicorns are definitely Lib Dem.

He should've sat there and let Islam's true nature reveal itself to him like a tyre iron around the back of his head.

That is a mighty tyre iron you've got there. First Paul Gambaccini. Then Swine-Flu Zombies. Now Jim Fitzpatrick MP.

Hell, he's lucky he didn't get his head sawed off to cries of 'Allahu Ackbar!' and ululations,

He probably brought the newlyweds a nice toaster from John Lewis. Otherwise they'd have done the head-sawing thing. For sure.

Update: Robert will have some entertainment on his swine-flu watch....

That ball-room dancing faggotry program is starting again soon. Great news, huh?

My Love Is Like A Tyre Iron

Robert S. McNamara, a sort of bellicose verbal tribute act to the late American politician, is an inspiration to fellow Biased BBC posters.

Currently, he's holed up at home behind barricaded windows, worried about the Government's reassurances on swine flu. Understandably, his syntax is fuzzy, but someone's going to get hurt.

With a tyre iron.

He intends to "smash in the skull of anything that tries to get in."

Robert likes to keep his tyre iron handy.

Another Biased-BBCer mentioned that the DJ Paul Gambaccini was "getting a lot of attention" in BBC coverage of Michael Jackson's death.

Robert S. swung into action: “I'd like to give him some attention. With a tyre iron.”

When he's not impersonating a dead Defense Secretary, perhaps he's a Kwik-Fit fitter?

More importantly, he's not a fan of the indie rock musician Pete Doherty. His only regret in passing up this year's Glastonbury was missing the chance for a chat with Pete :

“I wouldn't mind going just so I could shout abuse at that moon-faced, musically-illiterate junky who dresses like a gypsy from the seventies as he does an impression of a retard someone's given a guitar to for the first time/plays his set. Yeah, that might be worth the suffering. "

Still, whilst you're at your virtual rock festival, anything else you'd like to do? Catch Springsteen on the Pyramid Stage, perhaps?

"Better punch some hippy in the throat just to be on the safe side.”

Rock on, Robert. Still, you've got all that anger out of your system. Haven't you?

“According to the 15 seconds of BBC News I could stomach watching before I had to turn off or risk tearing my face off...”

Coping with Swine Flu (and anger management)

Robert S. McNamara was US Secretary of Defense during the Vietnam War. He also ran Ford. His recent death has not only robbed us of a titan, though. It has also spawned a tribute act of the same name, whose enthralling postings make Biased BBC the kind of read it is.

Swine Flu has been getting to him lately.

"I don't know about you lot, but when I hear the government telling us we're best-placed to handle a swine flu epidemic, I barricade myself in my house..."

Brilliant plan! That'll teach nueliebour!

"....and smash in the skull of anything that tries to get in with a tyre iron."

Radical.... but I suppose if I found anyone coming through my door with a tyre iron, I'd be suspicious.

Mind you, if he was offering you a set of radials with a decent tread, smashing his skull would get in the way of a bargain. Best err on the side of caution, if you ask me.

"Now, if you'll excuse me..."

Nice to see some manners around here, if I may say.

"... I have to go to B&Q to pick up some nails and timber."

Each to their own, but I'm not sure a flu pandemic is the ideal time to open a carpentry business. Have you thought of flogging Tamiflu on eBay?