Inappropriate Faggots

The regrettable collapse in BBC standards since the golden era of (oh… whenever), leaves a gap in the market for authoritative debate.

Thankfully, Biased BBC has stepped into that breach and now provides an excellent service for those of us worried about the best way to mull over important topics. Topics like… computers and stuff.

Apprentice social commentator Asuka Langley Soryu starts the etiquette debate rolling:

What is the connection between the BBC and Apple?

Reputation for top quality + millions of devoted fans who adore their style, reliability and ingenuity?

They're both make overpriced, substandard products which're liked only by elitist, semi-literate faggots.

Imaginative linking of semi-literate and elitist there. Who'd have thought you could be both?

Uh-oh, the boss is watching. Hello, David Vance.

Asuka

One born every minute, apparently.

Please mind your language. "Faggots" is not appropriate. Thanks.

Oops! Asuka Langley Soryu, you OK with the potty-mouth crackdown?

Sure thing.

Well that was straightforward. Faggots are off the menu...

But what about the suffix '-fag'?

As in...

i.e. Emofag, Indiefag, Ecofag, &c.

Lifesafag, if you ask me.

Is that inappropriate?

What do you think, deegee? Tofag or nottofag?

Surely none of the above.

Good to meet a man of taste and discernment.

Not everybody who uses Apple products an elitist, semi-literate faggot.

Only some of them, clearly...

Here's the boss again. Good to see you once more, Mr Vance:

Debate here can be passionate, witty, acidic but not vulgar.

Exactly. Which is why we love phrases like Rancid Puss-Filled Cocks.

…passionate, witty, acidic but not vulgar. Please help keep it that way.

Damn cunting right we will.

Rancid Puss-Filled Cocks: The BBC, Bias And Civility

Biased BBC supremo David Vance is a man who cares passionately about standards, as befits a spokesman for Ulster’s newest Unionist party. Today, he’s reminding his bias-hunters to be civil.

No problemo. Here are prime examples of Biased BBC civility culled from the last two weeks. Each is directed at the BBC or its workforce:

Envirofaggotry Camp beeboid (why are ALL males at the BBC so camp by the way?) Scabby Logan my favourite mincer (Nikki Campbell) Beeboid scum the fat shit Mardell they are all scumbags LibLeft cocain addicted Islingtonite lentil munchers Camp male beeboid the really vile Gabby Logan the BBC love taking the piss out of the Holocaust beeboid scumbags The SS kicking the shit out of the BBC BBC Gestapo/SS They would much prefer a terrorist attack seriously subversive and treasonous sticking up for the towel heads YET again vindictive bastards drugged up arseholes a leftie wank fest drug addled beeboids we have dubbed BBC radio as Obama Radio Fellatio shit Utter utter garbage from start to finish beeboid wank fest Cocaine addled beeboids two beeboid twats Shitman spouting their bollocks ecowacko bumchums Harrabin-Laden Knicker wetting female on Radio 5 leftie dykes their founder Goebbels fat shit Mardell knee-jerk totalitarian statists truly a vile individual (Jim Naughtie) camp male beeboid useless old dog Stephanie you turd fat boy Mardell Kraut Frei fatty Mardell Essler you beeboid tool Camp beeboid on aircraft carrier I bet he jacked himself off Utter utter shite from the BBC Fat slob Mardell spouting yet more crap Utter utter effing bollocks Mardell you tool Mardell should remove his nose from Obama's skid marked arse more shit twats at the BBC bigging up Mong drug addicts Fat shit Mardell pile of crap blog a fat git like YOU an arm of the current socio-marxist government intellectually fascist Statist rat face an arsehole, she's also a liar grinning like one eyed Scottish mong you leftie knob the usual lefty puke inducing garbage a key propaganda arm of the enemy at time of war liberal dyke Fatty STOP WHINIG YOU STUPID DRUG TAKING TOOLS pretty vile output Fatboy Nolan that dyke gets everywhere Easton has crawled out from his festering hole the BBC employ thousands of drug taking lefties a vile fat slug his shit show Dopey dyke scum cesspit of leftie scum addled on Cocaine and up the arse of the Labour party handwringing lefty cocksmokers Kill it with fire Shits sticking their rancid puss filled cocks up the arse of Obama once again

Our environmental protection unit monitors this outflow in the public interest, and it has discovered that the vast majority of this sewage emanates from one source: The leading social commentator, Martin.

Martin today offers fellow bias-hunters an explanation for this onslaught:

I try to be on good behaviour but sometimes trolls and beeboids just make it impossible to resist.

Entirely understandable, old chum, and completely consistent with David Vance's mission statement for Biased BBC:

Biased BBC is and shall remain a place for civilised debate and attempts to suggest otherwise are pathetic.

Indeed, so high is Biased BBC's reputation for civilised discourse that the official statement announcing Mr Vance's elevation to the Traditional Unionist Voice party failed to mention this striking contribution to the public good. At all!

How modest.

Turd Sniffing: Fresh, Positive & Principled

Exciting news from the ever-entrancing world of Ulster politics!

(Beside the spectre of the grimly religious Iris Robinson MP being accused of cadging dodgy money on behalf of a bereaved 19-year-old boy, demanding cashback for herself and failing to declare her dealings whilst offering a uniquely physical kind of grief counselling to the lad in question, all the time decrying gays for their abominable ways):

Anyway, even bigger news than that: Biased BBC's generalissimo David Vance is re-entering party politics! And with Traditionalist Unionist Voice, an outfit whose very name shimmers with joie de vivre, humanity and, erm, bowler hats!

His new party leader, Jim Allister, says Mr Vance is:

one of the most prolific and articulate spokesmen Unionism has produced.

And Mr Vance returns the compliment:

Under Jim Allister’s leadership TUV presents a fresh, positive and principled alternative for unionists who wish to see real change in 2010.

Readers of Mr Vance's bias-hunting blog are no strangers to fresh, positive and principled views. Here are some of the fresh, positive and principled views Biased BBC has published in the last couple of weeks on the subject of The BBC and its staff:

Scum Frei is a turd a beeboid turd as well you turd boy FUCK OFF drug addicts and rent boy users Leftie bigot Sneering Pompous Arse shite slurry and spin the 150% vile Richard Bacon a man who sniffs Obama's backside for the sheer pleasure some Cocaine snorting twat of a beeboid Easton you prat hideous jug-eared cocksmoker some fat ugly female beeboid she is fat and very ugly Fat ugly female beeboid drug addicts at the BBC liars the Beeboids just lied your drug taking friends at the BBC Cocaine taking scum at the BBC mohammadan terrorists media spokesman beeboid twats beeboids love drugs dhimmi BBCs lies The BBC are the enemy treason treacherous scum pigs kill the BBC BBC bullshit you stammering prick turd sniffer BBC pigs totally talentless Gabby Logan vermin the propagandist arm of the marxist collective drug using rent boy addicts Prick turd sniffer stinking, lying, extorting BBC

Mr Vance is too modest to admit it, but he maintains the highest standards. Who can forget his mission statement for Biased BBC?

Biased BBC is and shall remain a place for civilised debate and attempts to suggest otherwise are pathetic.

Amen to that. Oh, and No Surrender, too....

Throatslitting-underpantsniffing-bottomlicking-bedwetting-cokesnorting BBC

Good to see that other cesspits of British broadcasting bias have been getting it in the neck from the righteous David Vance. The scumbags at 4, for example:

Channel 4 is a revolting immoral sewer

The brilliant thing about Biased BBC is that it knows revolting sewers when it sees them. It should have no difficulty recognising the following, for instance:

BBCfags Goebbelsian ar$ehole the stinking gene pool of talent at the Beeb biased monkey effluent Pravda socialist mutants quasi-Maoist The VILE Gabby Logan hard core left wing liberal tory hating gits love affair with the Taliban the buggers broadcasting communism febrile leftie scum 'journalists' senile old codger The BBC are literally having on air orgasms camp male beeboids 1 wall, 20 thousand wooden posts, Some willing riflemen (I'd be up for it) fat ugly wart faced smelly white barking mad old lesbian White Fat Cow stoking up anti-Semitism insufferable middle class ponce tosser really is a tool liberal white sneering luvvie the limp wristed elite that run the BBC the pointless faggotry the BBC craps out mindless moronic mouthpieces a block of hard core leftists a vile woman leftist scum scary-looking dyke the One Show is a turd cocaine queue at BBC TV centre fat, ugly prick chubby, annoying tit vile the very dopey and talentless Stephanie Flanders Thicko Steph that oaf Dimbleby handwringing lefty bedwetters with no experience in anything useful wouldn't know what happened in the real world if it came up to them and attached its teeth to their feeble, shrunken genitals leftist scum institutionally anti-semitic Mardell is a moron Cocaine addled twats BBC employees kiss muslim ass Lying for allah fat ugly female beeboid if you dozy fat female beeboid dykes love Sharia so much why don't you piss off to live in Saudi Arabia then BBC lesbians you stupid drug using beeboids a BBC that just can't stop sniffing Gordon's stained underpants licking the bottoms of every Liebour politician including Mandy Ugh! slit the throat of this bloated drug infested left wing cesspit of turd sniffers very very camp male beeboid why do all male beeboids act so camp on TV Highly excited Obama loving male beeboids The BBC really needs to be executed all Beeb employees should be part of a trial - forced sterilization you wretched little faggot lefty tosser video was shot by some other fag camp male beeboid Shitman you thick camp beeboid stinking BBC Michael Prick on Newsnight crap drug addled beeboids are down there in the sewer prick very camp looking male beeboids twisting the truth another stupid camp beeboid devoid of any talent don't fret that massive, hideous, shit-filled head of yours The ugly guy has a mutantly huge alien head. I mean, it is massive and weird. The BBC are almost masturbating live on TV Last time 20,000 beeboids got so excited was when they were told there were 6 new 12 year old Albanian rent boys on Hampstead Heath an arse utter shite He really is an arsehole

All of it aimed at the BBC and its staff, and all of it ushered along the pristine u-bend that is Biased BBC itself, in recent weeks. It's always good to remind ourselves of David Vance's proud boast about his blog:

Biased BBC is and shall remain a place for civilised debate and attempts to suggest otherwise are pathetic.

Indeed. Yes indeed.

A C**t Like A Stamped Bat

This blog defers to almost no man in its admiration for the steely writings of the doom-mongering fanatic eminent commentator Melanie Phillips. She may be the only media heavyweight still willing to believe the measles autism scare, the most enthusiastic prophet of an Islamic apocalypse and the person most likely to call you an anti-semite for doubting Israel's perfection. But she's our favourite head girl.

Ahead in the queue of admirers, though, is Biased BBC, which regularly compares her trenchant views on Muslim nastiness with The BBC's Taliban-adoration. And so B-BBC's Liveblog celebrated her appearance on yesterday's Question Time with unconfined joy, and typical literary panache.

Steve: Shame Melanie looks like a lesbian school teacher

Beware of Geeks: I don't have a problem with lesbians. In fact, I have all their videos

Saul: SHE'S LIKE AN OLD HARRY POTTER

regor: never mind the looks admire the intellectual rigor

Julio: she's better looking than that scotch minger

Quite. And here is the distinguished Libertarian blogger Old Holborn to cap things off. What do you make of her, good sir?

Old Holborn: Melanie has a cunt like a stamped bat

Indeed, sirrah. And what other views did you form of this lively topical programme?

On Lord Falconer: KILL HIM

To the Conservative panellist the Rt Hon David Davis: Go on, have the cunt

In disappointment at Mr Davis's reserve: DD is a wanker.

To a member of the audience: Bukake faced tosspot

And another: Tory poof

To the Scottish Health Secretary, Ms Nicola Sturgeon: she has arse hair

To another member of the public: labour poof

Urging an audience rebellion against Labour: You WHIMPS. Storm the stage and WICKERMAN time

An American speaker: FUCK. OFF. YANK

Someone with whom Mr Holborn disagrees: FUCK OFF CUNT

Milord Falconer again: You fat, ugly CUNT. YOU are the obstacle to the third world becoming wealthier

To a winsome young woman: FIT

Is it any wonder that Mr Holborn's regular epistles have earned him the soubriquet of 9th Top Political Blog in the United Kingdom? Hurrah for eloquence!

His scintillating wit and repartee have many disciples on the Biased BBC Liveblog. Here is some witty banter between two of the eager young pups:

Headsonpoles: we need to see some tits here

Norton Folgate: no tits but a talking cunt

None of this would reach its dizzying heights of articulacy without the ring-master of readin' and writin' himself, the glorious David Vance. Here he is, introducing a particular favourite of Biased BBC readers, the humourist Marcus Brigstocke.

Brigstocke needs strung up even before the show starts,

Lawks!

as a joke, of course.

But of course! Ha Ha!

Julio: yes, hang Brigstock

Beardy-Bill: kill him!!!!

It is unnecessary perhaps, but let us indulge ourselves in savouring Mr Vance's earnest commendation of his website to gentler readers:

Biased BBC is and shall remain a place for civilised debate and attempts to suggest otherwise are pathetic.

Oh yes indeed.

Chubby Lezzers Are Sometimes Right

Who can forget David Vance's proud statement of intent for the magnificent bias-hunting machine that is Biased BBC?

Biased BBC is and shall remain a place for civilised debate and attempts to suggest otherwise are pathetic.

So well put. Which is why it's such a delight to journey alongside the moral giants at B-BBC as they liveblog Question Time and demonstrate the timeless hallmarks of civilised debate.

Guest of honour last night was the celebrated Libertarian blogger Old Holborn. Read and learn how the great and the good of the bias-hunting fraternity approach current events in a civilised, debating kind of way. Over to Old Holborn:

First a greeting: Everning cunts

Then our learned friend responds to the following questions from other eminent livebloggers. (A gentleman of darker hue has appeared on the screen): Taliban? Muzzie?

Mr Holborn gives us the benefit of his wisdom: Nah, sIkh. Turban = friend

Phew!

Alas! Another gentleman of Asiatic countenance has appeared: Loon Paki

Mr Holborn has been ruminating on the future of the Labour MP Mr Phil Woolas: Send Woolas to a gay prison

Now Mr Holborn reveals his insight into the nature of the studio audience: Full of coons and wallahs

On the distinguished Liberal Parliamentarian, Sir Menzies Campbell: I really really want to kill him

And now the former Labour Minister Miss Clare Short: Shut the fuck up. you chubby lezzer

Stay the horses! Miss Short has made a criticism of her former confederates in New Labour: Calre Short is very, very ugly. But she is RIGHT

A debate ensues during which Biased BBC alumni choose which parts of the United Kingdom they would most enjoy bombing. Mr Holborn's home county is, disturbingly, threatened: Oi CUNT! I'm in Essex! (Well, South Suffolk)

Now a winsome young lady attracts the cameraman's interest: TOTTY

Alas, pulchritude is set aside for another intervention from the right hon Phil Woolas MP: I want to stab Woolas

Let us hope that the sage contribution of a Conservative front-bencher will temper the savage beast of Mr Holborn's criticism!

What dismay: Chris Grayling is a septic oyster

Perhaps if the young ladies and gentlemen of our kingdom were less interested in "rock bands" and "alco-pops", they could learn from Mr Holborn the art of conducting oneself with dignity in our "cyber-age". Alas, the frequent scenes of mayhem in our drinking establishments demonstrate that not enough of our younger generation follow Mr Holborn and Mr David Vance in maintaining...

a place for civilised debate

Is it too much to ask?