Quality Journalism 2010: Death By Gay Jollies

If there's one thing Biased BBC teaches us, it's that The BBC fails, day after dumbed-down day, to deliver quality journalism. What has happened to its mission to inform and to educate the licence-paying public?

Today, another major failing has been exposed by Biased BBC vigilance. Why oh why is the Beeb ignoring its duty to explain, er, salacious speculation about the death of a daytime telly presenter?

The gnomic ap-w kicks the debate off. How come the BBC has devoted precious time to mark the passing of Michael Foot?

it's all rather overshadowed the death of the BBC presenter Kristian Digby,

Yeah. Why worry about a leading orator, writer, newspaper editor and former Leader of the Opposition when the presenter of House Swap and Buy It, Sell It, Bank It has died?

Digby, who has died in "unexplained" circumstances

I have a feeling that HM Coroner will be enlightening us before long...

a matter of days after gay killer Ray Gosling is released on police bail.

A non-sequitur of elegant proportions. What do you think, Millie Tant?

There's a good example of where the great broadcaster has failed to inform us - about how this man died.

Glad you spoke up. I've been losing sleep worrying about this.

So the BBC knows this information but has chosen to censor it.

Bastards. They've been ignoring Paris Hilton's sex tapes, Lindsay Lohan's eating issues and Kerry Katona's love life, too. What's wrong with them?

Why do they think it is all right for them to know this and for us not to know it? How can that be right?

Exactly. Lord Reith would be turning in his grave over a failure like this.

Who is in charge of them and what they should be allowed to know? Who privileged them to hold this information that is apparently too dangerous for us to know. If it is so dangerous, toxic or corrosive to us that it must be withheld, what effect does possessing it have on them? I think we should be told.

Not only that: Where is the in-depth analysis of minor actresses' wardrobe malfunctions and Posh Spice's footwear options that we have a right to expect from a top-quality news provider?

And all of the above questions are leaving aside the fact that we know it anyway! Cos we've been told by the Informative Media. It's all over the b..... shop!

Which shop? Does the b…. shop sell things for bees?

And guess what...we survived this knowledge and the world is still turning. But the BBC is still censoring. How daft can you get?

Not as daft as that smiley, for sure. Robert de Niro tribute act Travis Bickle gets to the heart of the story.

By "unexplained" they mean getting his gay jollies off.

But who put them on in the first place?

BBC presenters are snuffing themselves at a fair old rate of knots these days. They need to get some more rewarding past-times rather than auto-asphyxiation and columbian marching powder.

Could be worse. They could be posting on Biased BBC.

Oi, Gandalf: Shut It.

Just as the Eskimos are supposed to have 40 words for snow, Biased BBC's acclaimed Ulster dialect Advance Vance™ has myriad ways of showing an unhealthy fascination with / a creepy disgust about / a rounded interest in homosexuality:

I see that Andrew Marr was able to provide gay activitist and luvvie Ian McKellan

AV™: A gay man on TV? That's disgraceful.

Marr was able to provide …. Ian McKellan with a soap-box this morning.

AV™: He interviewed him like thousands of other guests. But gays are always good for a whinge.

McKellan is able to spout

AV™: He opens his mouth and words come out. How dare he?

all sorts of imagined "homophobic" allegations against our society in general

AV™: Gays have only one problem we need to worry about. They're homosexual.

without any challenge from Marr.

AV™: (Sir Ian was talking - though only briefly - about anti-bullying initiatives in schools). Marr should have spoken up for bullies.

The BBC is an established forum...

AV™: Established forum = a broadcaster broadcasting stuff which I find uncomfortable for reasons I'd rather not discuss.

for the advocacy of...

AV™: Advocacy = taking any interest at all in a subject I dislike

gay propaganda.

AV™: Gay propaganda = anything which reminds the world that individuals can live in ways I disapprove of.

Dropping Anchor In Poo Bay

Biased BBC has been championing for some time now a clear-out in the stale ranks of BBC Comedy, festering as it is with Marxists, Climate Change Fascists and Muslim Groupies. A vital task, but where might we find some fresh talent to lead Auntie Beeb in bold new directions?

Why, here's B-BBC regular the Beebinator with four lines of sparkling wit and repartee! Let's kill The Now Show and give Arnie's British cousin a crack at the chuckle crown:

Beeboid 1: Hello sailor fancy some shore leave

Beeboid 2: yes, shall we drop anchor in poo bay

Beeboid 3: i've got cocaine can i join in as well

Beeboid 4: i'm doing research into homosexuality

in a warming climate due to catastrophic

human induced climate change, can i watch

Ho. Um. Ho.

The Taliban: Gay Icons

Which response might this image conjure up?

1. It's OK. I've got Cat Stevens on my iPod.

2. Me? British? Whatever gave you that impression?

3. Take the phone and the wallet but please don't hurt me.

4. Meet me down the sauna, big boy, and let me feel your heat-seeking missile.

Wally tells Biased BBC readers that the correct answer is (4). Al Beeb is gay for Jihadis:

The BBC news frontpage on their website has a pic of a typical taliban.

More than one by the look of it.

The romanticised photo of a young mujahid - face covered in a scarf, that streams behind him in the wind, so that only his eyes can be seen, fixed dramatically on the horizon, as he totes a machine gun

Romanticised?

(It) has proved a little too much for Harry's Place. Their entry dealing with it is headed: "Tali-hunk,

Hunk, you say.

"I can’t imagine why young men might want to leave their drab Northern British towns to go fight with the Taliban."

On the one hand, less rain. On the other, more sudden death.

It's third hand, I know,

An improvement on the Biased BBC standard, nevertheless.

but a poster on Guido's once claimed to know a doctor who had told him that he had never met one of these 'much vaunted FCO Arabists who was not a sodomite.'

All gay. Even the women. And your source is compelling.

Michiner's novel, 'The Source' has one Israeli character claiming that (public school educated) British officers favoured Arabs over Jews, in the early days of the Mandate,

Clinching proof. Is there more?

because they found the thought of galloping through the desert night sitting on the back of a white stallion shared with a bedouin gave them a bigger thrill than that of dealing with people they knew mainly as tailors, shopkeepers and businessmen.

Case closed. Yet I see you're not finished…

A poster on Harry's Place wrote rhapsodically about how he had been one of an all boys together group in a Morocan hamman - they had all wanted to take theirswimming trunks off but knew it would be wrong.

But oh so right. No doubt.

I wonder if something of the same drive lies behind much of the Islamophilia disolayed by the BBC.

Yes indeed. Taliban big on gay lust in steam rooms. And BBC types right behind them.

Since, by all accounts, Talibs stand out in northern Pakistan towns because of their filthy, unkempt appearance, I'm sure they could have found a more realistic photo.

Or Photoshopped it at the very least. The Unkempt Tool is so underused by the Mainstream Media.

Climate Camp Camp

The problem with relying on technology is that when it goes wrong, we're often led in the wrong direction, like sat-nav users ploughing into unexpected rivers.

Today's case study looks at Martin, the poet laureate of the highly-respected Biased BBC website. Martin seems to have purchased an early Gaydar module, which is now misfiring.

Misfiring rather badly:

God the same camp beeboid on News 24

(why do all male beeboids act so camp on TV?)

just talked about "Obamary"

which is some crap about climate change.

Highly excited Obama loving male beeboids then

started to tell "us" all about CO2 levels

and about ALL the climate change experts.

He's soundind VERY excited.

Some experts doubt whether Martin is at all troubled by this malfunction, pointing out that he seems pleased to find rampant homosexuality on open display even during serious news bulletins. What does Martin himself think?

I feel like throwing up

No Gay Two-Ways On Today

Fresh from building a case against the bias in a BBC correspondent's glinting eyes, Biased BBC breaks more exciting ground by detecting unrestrained man-on-man lust during a stroppy encounter between Lord Mandelson and Evan Davis on Today. The man with the gaydar ears was the redoubtable bias-hunter Umbongo:

The Davis-Mandelson interview was marked by the stomach-churning sparkiness of two gays enjoying a bit of a verbal nuzzle.

Well, it was a radio show. They've got to play it up a bit so we know what's going on.

Mandelson's appeal to Davis "with all love and respect" to be allowed to carry on uninterrupted with Labour propaganda quite upset my breakfast.

Hit them where it hurts. Ofcom Code, Section 49 viii: Compensation payments for involuntary loss of appetite, subsection (b) - gay stuff at breakfast time.

It reminded me of a similar (though far less politically charged) interview between Russell Harty and Dirk Bogarde

What a big memory you have. Harty died 21 years ago

both of whom couldn't wait to get off-screen and into the green room to share mutual revelations.

Is it remotely possible that you are fantasising this?

This is not anti-gay:

Hadn't crossed my mind. Really.

had the interview been between a man and a woman so obviously sexually attracted to one another, it would have been just as distasteful.

But could you force the All Bran down amid the grunts and the sighs?

However, the mutual attraction appeared to prevent the usually incisive Davis from pursuing his political prey with the thoroughness such an interview demands.

A new campaign slogan: No Gay Two-Ways On Today. Hooray!

Next: The 100 Metres Arse Buggering Event

The BBC need look no further than noted Biased BBC social commentator Martin next time they need a new Head of Sport.

Martin does not agree with the news that The Ashes are likely to return to free-to-air TV in the future and suggests an alternative:

The BBC should cover minority sports,

I thought minorities got too much attention from the BBC?

millions of girls and women play Netball,

Millions of people go to mosques, but you're not very keen on them.

I appreciate you'd prefer to see the 100 metres arse buggering of 10 year old boys covered by the BBC

Before I reply, a question: How does it take place over 100 metres?

but most of us wouldn't.

It's the last thing you'd want to see, Martin. We all know that. Yes indeed.

Sandi's Gay Quarters

Hugh Oxford, the man who thinks life gets worse for homosexuals as they get more rights, continues to perform a valuable service for Biased BBC: Spotting Pink Plots among the dense jungle of programme listings.

The News Quiz

A radio programme.

Sandi Toksvig chairs.

You can buy them at IKEA. In Denmark.

The panel includes Jeremy Hardy, Paul Sinha and Sue Perkins.

Might be worth a listen.

3/4 homosexuals.

Presumably they're each a quarter straight, then...

That's "diversity" for you.

Let's campaign for a quota: One gay for every nine straights? Or Don't Ask, Don't Tell?

Oh, wait…Perkins didn't actually appear. Replaced by two heterosexuals, Hugo Rifkind and Miles Jupp.

A close call, though, for the nation's well-being. Thank God for men like Hugh.

And Biased BBC.

The UK: A Sodomised, Atomised, Alien Dystopia. Thanks, Gays.

Not enough is known about the far-seeing Hugh Oxford, who got to the heart of Broken Britain today by demanding fewer rights for gays. So that homosexuals would be happier. Apparently.

Who is this new star in the Biased BBC firmament? He's been developing his intriguing theories on gay issues for a while. Earlier this year, he joined in on a debate about Lord Mandelson's advice to job-seekers to consider European work.

Nations exist precisely so we don't have to travel to other countries for employment.

Turned down a top job in New York once, myself. It was too foreign.

This point might be missed on the homosexual Mandelson, as it is on the rest of the juveniles in the cabinet,

Because gays and juveniles have no concept of abroad?

some of us have families and quite like to live with them. We also live in towns and villages (I would say "communities" but that word has become perverted), and we don't want to uproot ourselves and our families and move abroad just to feed ourselves.

We're not taking that promotion to the Sydney office, darling: Uprooting oneself is a poof's practice.

It's OK for Mandy. For the gay traveller, one town and one country's much the same as the next, as long as there are nightclubs and public lavatories.

I'm sure he can afford hotels with their own en-suites.

The world we live in is where people like Peter Mandelson hold sway over us and under which marriage, the family and society have been effectively destroyed through state policy,

Must have missed the Dissolution of the Register Offices. And Playgroups.

and in their place has been supplanted a sodomitic, atomised, alien dystopia of the most hellish proportions.

Graham Norton's got a lot to answer for.

I do, however think that there is a glimmer of hope that the right men can stand up and stand together at this critical time before our nation is irretrievably lost.

Arise, Sir Hugh. Your sword, steed and armour are ready. Will we be wearing the white again today?

Return Of The Pink Panderers

Biased BBC, as ever, puts the coverage of gay people into perfect context:

Is there anybody out there who thinks the gay lobby may already be pandered to excessively and if so, why are they not provided with a voice?

Well put, David Vance. And you're just the man to give those anti-panderers a megaphone.

People like Hugh Oxford, whose motto - In A Mad World, The Sane Are On The Outside - sums up the ésprit de B-BBC perfectly. Hugh, signing in as an anonymous Guest, asks the question all of Vanceland is asking: Why aren't the BBC making happy with the suicide of Matt Lucas's ex?

Whilst the BBC where happy to wax lyrical about Matt Lucas' "marriage" to his boyfriend,

Yeah but, no but, Hugh...

BBC search for Matt Lucas/wedding: One news story. And one set of photos, though it's mainly the celebrity guests arriving. There are two about their separation (though that's hardly waxing lyrical).

they're less keen to advertise the fact that said "husband" has killed himself.

Apart from this:

Little Britain star Matt Lucas has pulled out of his lead role in a London play after the death of his former partner Kevin McGee. McGee, 32, was found hanged at his Edinburgh flat after police broke in on Monday, the Sun newspaper reported.

When you point out on liberal fora that gay rights has only corresponded to greater problems for homosexuals,

Take away their rights, they'd be much happier. And people with fewer rights are much less likely to kill themselves.

you are rapidly censored.

It's like Stalinism. Gone mad. And a bit pink.

Like A Virgin. On Hampstead Heath.

Concern is growing for Biased BBC's star social commentator Martin.

Fresh from the revelation that he has been cruising gay dating sites to, ahem, protect those with sensitive dispositions, comes further news of his daring.

Furious about the Lockerbie prisoner transfer, he reaches deep into his subconscious for the perfect metaphor:

The narrative is clear. To the people of Scotland if you want honest upstanding Government vote LIEBOUR not SNP.

The devious bastards. Who dreamt all this up?

This whole thing was a man trap set my Queen Mandy

Your Queen Mandy?

a man trap set my Queen Mandy and Salmond (with an over inflated ego as well as belly) to stitch up the SNP.

(Martin, a word to the wise: Salmond leads the SNP. Are you saying he stitched up his own party to please Labour?)

So Queen Mandy is fingered (he'd like that)

Y-e-e-e-s. And what about the BBC?

It does make you wonder if there is anything a male beeboid wouldn't to or allow inserted into a body orifice for Liebour.

Okaaay...

The BBC are ramming it home

Typical.

ramming it home like a sex starve male beeboid on Hampstead Heath with a virgin rent boy.

Martin, I'm not sure you're being precise enough there. Can we have a bit more detail?

Oh... and are you often troubled by your fantasies?

We can talk. Man to man.

iPhones Are Gay Just Like The BBC

Martin is Biased BBC's leading social campaigner. His contributions are legendary; few can match him in delivering so strongly the intriguing argument that the BBC is being run by gay hedonists whilst it simultaneously supports the Taliban.

Like a tireless Victorian vicar ministering to hopeless prostitutes, he is relentless in returning to cesspits of vice...but only in the hope of saving us all from their clutches.

Lately, he's been pointing his keyboard at Pink Filth:

Apple is seen as "kool"

Is that, y'know, code for a kind of gay sex?

most beeboids own an iphone.

Check their expenses. They've been buying hundreds and handing them out to all their Islington chums.

It would appear it has a really good application for attracting homosexual rent boys

My God! The Queers have invited Pinktooth®!

(I kid you not so that's probably why it's so popular at the BBC)

Nothing else useful or desirable about the iPhone. Nothing at all.

http://www.grindrguy.com/Grindr_iPhone_App/Grindr_-Meet_Guys_Near_You_on_your_iPhone.html

That explains those billboards around Shepherds Bush: iPhone 3G = 4GAYS

I suggest those with sensitive dispositions don't go to the link!!!

Oh, Martin...you've gone, and you saved us all the trouble! How...sweet... of you!