The UK: A Sodomised, Atomised, Alien Dystopia. Thanks, Gays.

Not enough is known about the far-seeing Hugh Oxford, who got to the heart of Broken Britain today by demanding fewer rights for gays. So that homosexuals would be happier. Apparently.

Who is this new star in the Biased BBC firmament? He's been developing his intriguing theories on gay issues for a while. Earlier this year, he joined in on a debate about Lord Mandelson's advice to job-seekers to consider European work.

Nations exist precisely so we don't have to travel to other countries for employment.

Turned down a top job in New York once, myself. It was too foreign.

This point might be missed on the homosexual Mandelson, as it is on the rest of the juveniles in the cabinet,

Because gays and juveniles have no concept of abroad?

some of us have families and quite like to live with them. We also live in towns and villages (I would say "communities" but that word has become perverted), and we don't want to uproot ourselves and our families and move abroad just to feed ourselves.

We're not taking that promotion to the Sydney office, darling: Uprooting oneself is a poof's practice.

It's OK for Mandy. For the gay traveller, one town and one country's much the same as the next, as long as there are nightclubs and public lavatories.

I'm sure he can afford hotels with their own en-suites.

The world we live in is where people like Peter Mandelson hold sway over us and under which marriage, the family and society have been effectively destroyed through state policy,

Must have missed the Dissolution of the Register Offices. And Playgroups.

and in their place has been supplanted a sodomitic, atomised, alien dystopia of the most hellish proportions.

Graham Norton's got a lot to answer for.

I do, however think that there is a glimmer of hope that the right men can stand up and stand together at this critical time before our nation is irretrievably lost.

Arise, Sir Hugh. Your sword, steed and armour are ready. Will we be wearing the white again today?