Wednesday, 20 January 2010

Cake. Ate It. More Please.

On January 7th, BBC Northern Ireland broke an extraordinary story about the love life and dodgy business dealings of the bible-spouting DUP MP Iris Robinson, wife of Ulster's First Minister, Peter Robinson. Biased BBC supremo (and diehard unionist) David Vance pondered this scoop and pronounced it good. For a while, at least...

Jan 8th, 08:05: DV writes on A Tangled Web

I refer to the BBC "Spotlight" programme concerning Peter and Irish Robinson. To summarise for those readers who did not see it… Mrs Robinson is absolutely finished politically. She should resign forthwith … Mr Robinson needs to explain why he did not fulfil his lawful obligations …

Translation: Gotcha! The BBC have just shafted raised important questions about one of my deadliest political rivals.

Same day, 09:06: DV writes on Biased BBC

Last night, BBC Northern Ireland ran a very important "Spotlight" programme which raises fundamental questions concerning the behaviour of Northern Ireland's leading political dynasty - the Robinson family.

Translation: I looooovvvve the BBC Spotlight programme.

This is causing seismic tremors in the local political topography and I think the BBC should be congratulated on finally producing a programme that has the consequence of challenging the political status quo.

Translation: Political opportunity rings louder than the Liberty Bell. And all thanks to the Beeb! Fuck me!

As I say, there are many issues flowing from this and some of these may limit my time here in the days ahead.....interesting times, folks!

Translation: If that twat Peter Robinson thinks I won't be taking advantage of this BBC-inspired calamity, he's got another think coming…

Same day, 10:42 am: DV writes on ATW

The following has gone out to the media so I want to share with you all. This is the beginning. TUV ANNOUNCES SIGNIFICANT NEW RECRUIT

Translation: Ahem... Me! David Vance! Oh, yes indeed!

Traditional Unionist Voice is pleased to announce that experienced political commentator and activist, David Vance has joined the party. A County Down businessman, who was at one time was Deputy Leader of the UKUP, Mr Vance is well known for his robust Unionist views as the man who runs the top political blog, ‘A Tangled Web’.

Translation: Could there be a better time to jump aboard a rival Unionist party? Thanks, BBC!

Jan 11th: Press Statement from TUV (Spokesman: D. Vance).

“If, on the other hand, the DUP is genuinely behind Mr Robinson, then they are more out of touch with public opinion than I appreciated. The damage done to the Robinson brand is transferred to the DUP brand by such unequivocal support.”

Translation: Make no mistake - The BBC have skewered the Robinsons, and we here at TUV believe everything they say.

Jan 19th 12:05 pm: gordon-bennett posts on Biased BBC

I wonder if the prevalence of homosexuality at the beeb explains why Iris Robinson got such a thorough and persistent going over from the beeb, given the remarks she had made about homosexuality being an abomination. I acknowledge that the beeb's longstanding support of sinn fein plays into this as well - it's a win win for the beeb.

Translation: Never mind the facts. We at Biased BBC should be complaining that the spiteful gays at the BBC have done away with that fine, upstanding Christian bigot hypocrite moralist Mrs Robinson. Plus everyone at the BBC also loves the IRA.

Jan 19th 13:34: DV replies sagely on Biased BBC

Gordon. Yes, that's an interesting line of thought.

Translation: Eleven days is a long time in politics. And even longer in BBC-baiting. Now that I've milked the Robinsons' embarrassment, I quite fancy twatting the BBC with a gay/IRA conspiracy theory...


  1. I also think Vance is quite stupid at times.

    I mean, when he says that B-BBC is a place for "civilised debate" and then ignores that he's part of a paranoid sewer-conspiracy featuring mostly American posters and Martin, it's quite stunning how he reconciles the two things in his head.

    Similarly, he doesn't quite see how the people he has posting on his blogs, the posts he makes and all those associations are going to come back around at election time and not just bite him on the bum, but give him a good public ramming. Without lube.

    Politics is rough, and NI politics is a fucking blender. All people need to do is make the association that I made in the previous comments - that Vance's stances (hehe) are pretty much the Unionist political answer to RIRA and CIRA, and his support base will draw away.

    Anyway, Vance doesn't realise the key points in this: Iris has resigned and won't be returning. Peter had nothing to do with her affair and could actually be personally damaged by it, so he gets to be the understanding husband sticking by his clearly mental wife, and gets the sympathy and carries on as normal.

    This is damaging to one person - Iris Robinson. If Vance wasn't so adept at playing sewer politics with his chums in the armpit blogs, he'd be able to realise that individual circumstances only damage individuals and that Iris' retreat from active politics is only a beneficial thing for the DUP.

  2. Peter and Irish Robinson?

    Ultimate David Vance insult. She's not really British.

  3. There's political opportunism... and then there's reactionary Ulster politics. God bless 'em and their marching bands.

  4. David Vances Traditional Unionist Voice gets its name 'ere!!!!!!!!!

    'The Gowler and the Gun'.

    Big Ian and wee Martin,

    The Gowler and the Gun,

    Are chuckling up in Stormont,

    And enjoying all the fun.

    But on the streets, the fun is but,

    A sick and sorry joke,

    The shinners have us firmly tied,

    To the one-Ireland yoke.

    For democracy in Ulster,

    It only is a sham,

    With the forced coalition,

    And terror in the van.

    The unholy, fake alliance,

    With veto and rebuff,

    Stammered Irish in the chamber,

    Well, I think we've had enough.

    But the last laugh beats the chuckle,

    And old Ulster will rebound,

    With Traditional Unionist Voice,

    The strength of Somme is found.

    Jeff Lamont

  5. We'll fight for no surrender.

    everybody join in

    and guard ole derrys walls


    its londonderry lad....londenderry if yer posh