The Rt. Rev. Prostitute & His Grace The Cheerleader

Biased BBC's distinctive dialect Advanced Vance™ is especially useful in helping us to speak of religious matters. Today, B-BBC Grand Ayatollah David Vance shows us how this special patois can assist us in discussing the role of the Church in supporting political negotiations:

The leaders of Ireland's four main churches have urged politicians to redouble their efforts in talks to save the future of the Stormont power-sharing government.

Good for them. Putting aside doctrinal differences for the greater good.

Their plea came after Prime Minister Gordon Brown and Taoiseach Brian Cowen left the talks venue at Hillsborough castle, Co Down, on Wednesday without securing agreement.

It's tough getting Sinn Fein and the DUP to see eye-to-eye on law'n'order. Who knows - perhaps a Right Reverend or two can smooth the process?

It's a favoured tactic of government...

Uh-oh...

...to drag out these clerical clowns…

Advanced Vance™ : Clerical Clowns = The leaders of the Catholic, Anglican, Presbyterian and Methodist Churches in Ireland.

…and get them to act as echo chambers for prevailing policy.

Advanced Vance™ : Echo Chambers = People who disagree with David Vance.

After all, they were to the fore in cheer-leading to get convicted murderers out of prison…

Advanced Vance™ : Cheer-leading etc. = Supporting the Good Friday Peace Process

...so we can all see how morally bankrupt they are.

Advanced Vance™ : Morally bankrupt = People who disagree with David Vance.

And now, they PLEAD for the political class to prostitute the essential tenets of Policing and Justice so that the IRA can also corrupt that.

Advanced Vance™ : Prostitute the essential tenets etc. = Stand by the St Andrews Agreement on devolving power to Northern Ireland.

Wholly fools.

Advanced Vance™ : Wholly fools = Anyone with religious authority who dares disagree with David Vance.

I also note that "business leaders" and trade unionists have been on the media also begging for a rancid deal.

That's religion, the world of business and trade unionism who agree with Downing St and with the Irish Government... and therefore oppose David Vance's will. Everyone lets David Vance down.

It's 1998 all over again. It's still right to say No.

Advanced Vance™ : 1998 = 1690

The BBC narrative on what is happening here...

Advanced Vance™ : The BBC narrative = Impartial reporting.

...is framed in almost childish terms.

Advanced Vance™ : Childish Terms = The BBC refusing to accept No Surrender as the entire basis for Northern Ireland politics.

Rancid Puss-Filled Cocks: The BBC, Bias And Civility

Biased BBC supremo David Vance is a man who cares passionately about standards, as befits a spokesman for Ulster’s newest Unionist party. Today, he’s reminding his bias-hunters to be civil.

No problemo. Here are prime examples of Biased BBC civility culled from the last two weeks. Each is directed at the BBC or its workforce:

Envirofaggotry Camp beeboid (why are ALL males at the BBC so camp by the way?) Scabby Logan my favourite mincer (Nikki Campbell) Beeboid scum the fat shit Mardell they are all scumbags LibLeft cocain addicted Islingtonite lentil munchers Camp male beeboid the really vile Gabby Logan the BBC love taking the piss out of the Holocaust beeboid scumbags The SS kicking the shit out of the BBC BBC Gestapo/SS They would much prefer a terrorist attack seriously subversive and treasonous sticking up for the towel heads YET again vindictive bastards drugged up arseholes a leftie wank fest drug addled beeboids we have dubbed BBC radio as Obama Radio Fellatio shit Utter utter garbage from start to finish beeboid wank fest Cocaine addled beeboids two beeboid twats Shitman spouting their bollocks ecowacko bumchums Harrabin-Laden Knicker wetting female on Radio 5 leftie dykes their founder Goebbels fat shit Mardell knee-jerk totalitarian statists truly a vile individual (Jim Naughtie) camp male beeboid useless old dog Stephanie you turd fat boy Mardell Kraut Frei fatty Mardell Essler you beeboid tool Camp beeboid on aircraft carrier I bet he jacked himself off Utter utter shite from the BBC Fat slob Mardell spouting yet more crap Utter utter effing bollocks Mardell you tool Mardell should remove his nose from Obama's skid marked arse more shit twats at the BBC bigging up Mong drug addicts Fat shit Mardell pile of crap blog a fat git like YOU an arm of the current socio-marxist government intellectually fascist Statist rat face an arsehole, she's also a liar grinning like one eyed Scottish mong you leftie knob the usual lefty puke inducing garbage a key propaganda arm of the enemy at time of war liberal dyke Fatty STOP WHINIG YOU STUPID DRUG TAKING TOOLS pretty vile output Fatboy Nolan that dyke gets everywhere Easton has crawled out from his festering hole the BBC employ thousands of drug taking lefties a vile fat slug his shit show Dopey dyke scum cesspit of leftie scum addled on Cocaine and up the arse of the Labour party handwringing lefty cocksmokers Kill it with fire Shits sticking their rancid puss filled cocks up the arse of Obama once again

Our environmental protection unit monitors this outflow in the public interest, and it has discovered that the vast majority of this sewage emanates from one source: The leading social commentator, Martin.

Martin today offers fellow bias-hunters an explanation for this onslaught:

I try to be on good behaviour but sometimes trolls and beeboids just make it impossible to resist.

Entirely understandable, old chum, and completely consistent with David Vance's mission statement for Biased BBC:

Biased BBC is and shall remain a place for civilised debate and attempts to suggest otherwise are pathetic.

Indeed, so high is Biased BBC's reputation for civilised discourse that the official statement announcing Mr Vance's elevation to the Traditional Unionist Voice party failed to mention this striking contribution to the public good. At all!

How modest.

Nation Dying. Add Turkeys + Xmas, Few Flies = Diversity.

Only a libtard smart-arse would claim that hell is other people. Biased BBC devotees know instinctively that hell is the place you go in a hand-cart. Today, we welcome a particularly fine infernal travelogue from leading misanthrope DP111.

In a normal society, the one we had not so long ago,

Ah…the golden past: Spinsters on their bicycles, cricket on the green, foaming tankards of real ale.

based on a common culture and language,

And no pesky black or brown people….

one has one’s share of virtues and vices.

I'll take a few of the vices. I'm fed up being virtuous.

In a multicultural society though, particularly the one we have, the imported virtues of an imported people, are hardly any,

Do foreigners have any virtues at all?

or we have them anyway, but the vices that they bring, are far too many.

Cheap labour. Enthusiasm. Family values. Willingness to open shops and fast food stores at times the rest of us want to rest. Wiping our bottoms in rest homes and NHS wards. Curing the sick. All vices.

The more diverse the imported cultural group, the more varied and diverse are the vices.

Stands to reason.

In addition, they are of a sort that our society is unable to comprehend - like polygamy, honour killings, FGM, murder those who criticise Islam, etc.

Shouldn't that be FHM? Would you include Nuts and Zoo, too? Or just Maxim?

If we import the entire world, we do not get all the virtues of the rest of the world, but all the vices of the rest of the world.

Brilliant! Just a little question: How come that doesn't work for German cars and Japanese TV sets?

This is one of the reasons that our police and judiciary are unable to cope, as there are no norms that are acceptable or unacceptable. It is the reason why our education system is failing, or has failed. It is leading to a breakdown of society, unable to defend itself at home or abroad, as it has no idea what it is, and what it is supposed to defend.

The end cannot be far away.

Just as flies wax strong and prosper over a decaying carcass, so it is that "Diversity" managers prosper over a dying multicultural failed nation.

Close the door on your way out. It's only polite.

Celebration of cultural diversity is thus a celebration of the death of a nation, the equivalent of Turkeys celebrating Christmas.

Extra points for the superannuated metaphor. Well done.

The House On Poo River

It is well known that The BBC is the architect of our national decline. But who would have guessed that the BBC has been keeping quiet an architectural disaster of its very own? New Biased BBC commenter Alcuin - apparently an Eighth Century Northumbrian monk - has the low-down:

Gay, Left, metropolitan and secular (or should I say, anti-Christian).

No smokers, GSOH preferred. But that's not why we're here.

Small wonder that the most pernicious groupthink has become ingrained in the most powerful opinion forming organisation in the country.

Agreed: There's something funny going on at The BBC. But what?

One day, this edifice of sickly meringue and cream will collapse,

Jesus H Christ! White City is just a great big pavlova!

revealing the sewer underneath.

And they built it over the foulest drains in London! Oh shit!

Then, many will ask "why did no one tell us all this?".

They spiked the architects' coffees for laughs. And by the time the Beeb realised what they'd done, it was too late to admit it. Who were these addled draughtsmen?

"All this" being what the BBC has concealed from us about Trots, Muslims and Arabs.

Trots, Muslims and Arabs? Not come across them in the Architectural Digest. No matter - they're off the list for our loft conversion.

It’s a good basic axiom that if you take a quart of ice-cream and a quart of dog faeces and mix ‘em together the result will taste more like the latter than the former - Mark Steyn.

Far be it from me, Brother Alcuin, but don't you think that's one dessert/sewage metaphor too many?

All Muslims Are... Whatever

Biased BBC is, of course, the go-to place to learn about The BBC's many failings as a provider of news and information. It prides itself on Exposing The Reporting Bias Of The BBC. Today, leading social commentator Martin gives us a masterclass in the appropriate methodology for exposing al Beeb distortion.

First, Martin posts on the shortcomings of Islam:

There is no such thing as a 'moderate Muslim' it's a figment of a Cocaine addled brain.

1. All Muslims believe Muslims should not marry non Muslims

2. All Muslims believe that a Muslim cannot leave Islam (if they do they face death)

3. All Muslims think a bit of bottom action between men is wrong and punishable by death

4. All Muslims hate Jews

5. All Muslims have a chip on both shoulders.

Long-time Biased BBC commenter Grant offers a slight course correction:

Really hate to rattle your cage but :-

1. My wife is muslim and , despite being an atheist, I am accepted by my muslim inlaws.

2. That is not quite true. I know many apostates in Turkey, Malaysia, and W. Africa who are tolerated.

3. Difficult to prove scientifically, but I suspect homosexuality in practice is more common in "muslim countries" than non-muslim countries. Homosexual brothels are quite common in the muslim countries I know.

4. Absolutely not true, in my experience, and my knowledge of history. Not all muslims hate Jews.

5. Again, not my experience of living in 3 "muslim" countries.

I am not defending the religion, nor indeed any religion, but I do think it is dangerous to generalise. And I have never taken cocaine in my life !

Martin hastens to reassure Grant that all is well:

Grant, generalisation is the only way to work. I'm sure there are (or were) nice Communists and Nazi's, does that mean that what they believed in was acceptable? The wet liberals generalise about right wing Americans all the time.

Indeed.

Cake. Ate It. More Please.

On January 7th, BBC Northern Ireland broke an extraordinary story about the love life and dodgy business dealings of the bible-spouting DUP MP Iris Robinson, wife of Ulster's First Minister, Peter Robinson. Biased BBC supremo (and diehard unionist) David Vance pondered this scoop and pronounced it good. For a while, at least...

Jan 8th, 08:05: DV writes on A Tangled Web

I refer to the BBC "Spotlight" programme concerning Peter and Irish Robinson. To summarise for those readers who did not see it… Mrs Robinson is absolutely finished politically. She should resign forthwith … Mr Robinson needs to explain why he did not fulfil his lawful obligations …

Translation: Gotcha! The BBC have just shafted raised important questions about one of my deadliest political rivals.

Same day, 09:06: DV writes on Biased BBC

Last night, BBC Northern Ireland ran a very important "Spotlight" programme which raises fundamental questions concerning the behaviour of Northern Ireland's leading political dynasty - the Robinson family.

Translation: I looooovvvve the BBC Spotlight programme.

This is causing seismic tremors in the local political topography and I think the BBC should be congratulated on finally producing a programme that has the consequence of challenging the political status quo.

Translation: Political opportunity rings louder than the Liberty Bell. And all thanks to the Beeb! Fuck me!

As I say, there are many issues flowing from this and some of these may limit my time here in the days ahead.....interesting times, folks!

Translation: If that twat Peter Robinson thinks I won't be taking advantage of this BBC-inspired calamity, he's got another think coming…

Same day, 10:42 am: DV writes on ATW

The following has gone out to the media so I want to share with you all. This is the beginning. TUV ANNOUNCES SIGNIFICANT NEW RECRUIT

Translation: Ahem... Me! David Vance! Oh, yes indeed!

Traditional Unionist Voice is pleased to announce that experienced political commentator and activist, David Vance has joined the party. A County Down businessman, who was at one time was Deputy Leader of the UKUP, Mr Vance is well known for his robust Unionist views as the man who runs the top political blog, ‘A Tangled Web’.

Translation: Could there be a better time to jump aboard a rival Unionist party? Thanks, BBC!

Jan 11th: Press Statement from TUV (Spokesman: D. Vance).

“If, on the other hand, the DUP is genuinely behind Mr Robinson, then they are more out of touch with public opinion than I appreciated. The damage done to the Robinson brand is transferred to the DUP brand by such unequivocal support.”

Translation: Make no mistake - The BBC have skewered the Robinsons, and we here at TUV believe everything they say.

Jan 19th 12:05 pm: gordon-bennett posts on Biased BBC

I wonder if the prevalence of homosexuality at the beeb explains why Iris Robinson got such a thorough and persistent going over from the beeb, given the remarks she had made about homosexuality being an abomination. I acknowledge that the beeb's longstanding support of sinn fein plays into this as well - it's a win win for the beeb.

Translation: Never mind the facts. We at Biased BBC should be complaining that the spiteful gays at the BBC have done away with that fine, upstanding Christian bigot hypocrite moralist Mrs Robinson. Plus everyone at the BBC also loves the IRA.

Jan 19th 13:34: DV replies sagely on Biased BBC

Gordon. Yes, that's an interesting line of thought.

Translation: Eleven days is a long time in politics. And even longer in BBC-baiting. Now that I've milked the Robinsons' embarrassment, I quite fancy twatting the BBC with a gay/IRA conspiracy theory...

Boom! Ack-Ack-Ack! Perverse Admiration!

There are many ways to betray your country: Treason, cowardice or disreputable conduct, for example….or you can add all three together and become a BBC Foreign Correspondent, especially one reporting on Afghanistan. As ever, Biased BBC hotshot David Vance is pointing his trigger finger right at the Quislings from White City:

Have you picked up on BBC coverage of the Jihad attacks carried out by the Taliban in Kabul today?

Indeed. Alan Little's vivid description of fear and gunsmoke in a hotel close to the presidential palace. Felt like I could taste the cordite.

I suggest to you that the tone of the coverage was almost one of....

Urgency? Concern? Understandable personal fear that the hotel itself might be next?

….admiration.

Of course. If there's one thing conjured up by a man who's just described to you the fear of suicide bombers attacking his hotel, it's a glowing pride in the men who have been trying to kill all around him.

The BBC seems to take perverse delight...

Perverse: A bit like that bloke who decries negotiations in Afghanistan and keeps urging Israel to bomb Iran, all from the safety of his home in leafy Northern Ireland. Wossname? Oh, yes…. David Vance.

The BBC seems to take perverse delight that these dark ages barbarians can carry out such atrocities.

John Simpson, today, in Kabul:

In the eerie darkness of Kabul I spoke to a group of Afghan special forces who had fought the insurgents - tough impressive men. I asked if the Taliban could win this war. No, they shouted.

But there are other ways to win a war than simply fighting. And persuading the world that the Taliban can strike when and how they want is one of them.

Delighted? Or realistic?