Monday, 30 November 2009

We Are All Doomed. Again.

Just because the weather is particularly depressing doesn't mean that Biased BBC need hold off on its mission to drive us all to the Dignitas clinic, appalled at the sheer awfulness of modern life.

The bias-hunters are in full calamity mode today at the news that the BBC has employed an agency which helps companies communicate sustainable policies.

This is clearly proof of a global conspiracy of leftie eco-freaks aiming for world domination (though quite why O2, Shell, British Telecom and, ahem, Sky - who are also clients of the agency - should be part of this plot is not yet clear).

Anyway, long-time bias-hunter Marky, whose hallmark is a cheery, 1984-inspired logo, has the best take on the story:

the three main parties have for many years been leading Britain towards slavery

Man is born free but everywhere he is in chain stores.

and despotism.

Agreed. Don't know if I can take another 6 months of Brown's despotism before we, um, get a chance to kick him out.

Their goal is plain to see if you have the heart to look into darkness.

That's why they want us all to wear reflective jackets at night: So they can see us coming from their darkened lairs. Damn you, traffic information films...

The elite want the people to be completely subservient to the state

I asked permission before I wrote this. As did you, Marky, I am sure.

and they've done well.

We are all Cybermen. Without the shiny suits.

I believe we haven't got long now and have not much hope that the future will be a wondrous place.

Don't be so negative. Your encyclopaedic knowledge of 1984 should stand you in good stead for a job at the Ministry, Comrade.


  1. How unfair of them not to indicate which political party might spare us this authoritarian doom. Could it be the one whose initials are occasionally confused with the Banque National de Paris?

  2. I tried using my heart to look into darkness once, but it was even worse than my eyes. Do you think Marky has a special, night-sight heart? Or just weird eyes?

  3. Ground down by constant drip drip of odious bias and 1984 disinformation, to the extent that we have lost the energy to take to the streets.
    Can't be cheerier than that unfortunately.